A Tale of Two Rumbles
(The biggest Rumble in history started with a bang, ended with a whimper, and was sandwiched by the work of Heel Michael Cole)
Storytelling: 2/5 Stars
Match Quality: 3/5 Stars
Finish: 3/5 Stars
Winner: 2/5 Stars
Extracurriculars: 1/5 Stars- Heel Michael Cole, and really crappy Matt Stryker
TOTAL: 11/25 Stars
Great Moment You May Have Forgotten: John Morrison, acrobat extraordinaire
Moment You Wish You Weren't Reminded Of: Hornswoggle, acrobat extraordinaire. Also credit to Alex Riley's legendary screw up.
Best Line: "I didn't know Michael Cole was Irish" "Only on Tuesdays"
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With 40 men, this was built as the biggest Rumble in history (and in terms of time, I believe it's the longest match in the WWE Wrestlemania era). But in reality, this was two matches, separated by the elimination of CM Punk by John Cena at about the halfway point. The second Punk's two feet hit the floor, it seemed that the entire ring and arena turned to garbage.
Before Punk elimination, this was actually a very good Rumble match, one of the best in ring qualities the Rumble ever had. It starts off with a squabble of factions (albeit stopped by the Anonymous General Manager aka Heel Michael Cole aka the worst idea ever in Comic Book Guy voice). Then we had basically a match between Punk and Daniel Bryan, and we know how their career trajectories soon skyrocketed. Then after some fun and surprise entrants (William Regal, Zack Ryder, Justin Gabriel), John Morrison came in and really stole the show. He had his acrobatic maneuvers and that nifty fall off the ring that we've seen many times that were simply unbelievable.
However after some fluff entries ("Mr. Employment" JTG, Yoshi Tatsu, Chavo attempting his 3 amigos, Mother Loving Chris Masters, etc.), 4 of the 5 Nexus members show up and started cleaning house while Punk heeled like a boss. Out went Ted Dibiase Jr (like his career). Out went Morrison, despite his skills. Out went Henry. Out goes Masters. Out goes Tyler Reks (remember him). Out Goes Koslov (remember him too). Out Goes R-Truth (he was set free).
Then the Great Khali showed up and at least made it interesting, which is something you don't say often about him. He got rid of Husky Harris (You may know him by a different name), but could not over power them all. Then Mason Ryan shows up, this just isn't fair (to Flair) unless you're Cole. Out comes legend Booker T to a huge ovation and a quick elimination. So just to recap at this point in the match you have CM Punk protected by most of his crew and no one can stop him...
...and then he came. John Cena, in without doubt the worst role of his career as burier of rising stars, comes out to his mantra and does what no one else could do, beat up 4 wrestlers at once. In a span of two minutes, he eliminates Ryan, McGillicutty (you may know him under a better name), and David Otunga (he of the Law degree and superstar wife). Then with the help of...I can't believe I'm typing this...Hornswoggle, he eliminates Punk, deflating the audience and driving every smark red with anger.
So after this point the match turns to poo. We have Hornswoggle and Cena teaming up to humiliate wrestlers who get tad pole splashed and a mini AA and stuff like that. We have a quip about Michael Cole being drunk while Matt Stryker gets another statistic wrong. We then have a bunch of mid carders who really have no business winning this Rumble showing up and wrestling like they have no business winning this Rumble. We have another Diesel return, because it's a common theme that if Diesel is in a Rumble, it probably stinks. And to top it off, we have Cena eliminated by the Miz, whose not even in the Rumble, because Alex Riley screwed up his elimination too early. So yea we already know where this disaster led to at WM 27.
When push came to burial we were down to 3, perennial stay around Randy Orton, new comer (and in my opinion the guy who should've won other than Punk) Wade Barrett, and Mexican mid carder Alberto Del Rio. Well eventually Del Rio wins and everything seems to be going in place for...OH WAIT!!!! IN COMES SANTINO. Yes the little engine that couldn't Santino Marella, who's Rumble hilarity is discussed ad nauseam, was never actually eliminated. So he pulls his dirty sock out, clocks Del Rio, and taunts for 3 minutes instead of throwing him out....so of course Del Rio still wins.
In the end it is such a terribly designed Rumble that Del Rio winning was anti climactic and wound up hurting his image with the fans. This match may be a top 10 match if Punk wins, or at least is around to the end. This is the product of a poorly run WWE in 2010/2011 era, and highlighted all the flaws of writing that would plague a match. But at least the first half was fun and it set up the Mania matches well, even if its the matches we didn't want.
If you have nothing to do all day, you can watch this here, I suggest at mute but if you want to hurt your ears listen to commentary. Tomorrow we look at one of the greatest wrestlers of all time who, bless his heart, he just does not understand the rules of the Rumble.
